🏅FIELD GUIDE 62: Small victories

For 60 issues of FIELD GUIDE I have been bringing you people that want to share their stories with you. Stories of strength, resilience, triumph, failure…stories where you’ve learned something or found solidarity with a complete stranger.

This week, Im telling my story.

Name

Skyler Cail

Location

Savannah GA

Occupation

Stay at home mom and your FIELD GUIDE guide

Soundtrack

In honor of going to see Disturbed in concert this week, here’s this masterpiece.

(Spotify)

When I was 9, my parents, my best friend, and her parents went for a 7 day vacation to Disney World. Life was normal, life was good.

While we were there, my dad tricked me into going on a rollercoaster that went upside down. It was my first rollercoaster that went upside down, but he knew I wouldn’t go on it, if I knew it did loops and rolls.

All went well, I rode it multiple times, it was amazing. But, I couldn’t squeeze the handles on the shoulder harness, like a normal person would when they were tense or scared. In fact, it was painful. I didn’t think much of it, I kept going.

I was a tough “if I’m not bleeding or debilitated, I’m okay” kind of kid. My dad was in the military and often times brushed off things anyhow, so it had to be serious if I mentioned it.

Later, maybe by a couple of weeks, my mom and I were rough housing and she had my hands in her hands and she squeezed a bit. I winced. She immediately stopped and asked me what was wrong.

My fingers and toes were swollen and painful, I suffered from crazy intense heel/foot pain after soccer games. We soon found out I had pediatric psoriatic arthritis.

It is a bit more “common” now, but for a while I was a medical anomaly. Students upon students were shadowing their doctors to learn more about this side of psoriasis, and how it affects children.

I’ve been on countless medications and have dealt with every stage of discomfort, in both the joint and skin department. I continued to play sports, be a kid, and I continued to medicate to make sure I could keep doing those things.

But the thing about kids is they’re tough, resilient, and push through things that are hard without thinking twice. Now, Im an adult, and for the first time in nearly 2.5 decades Im feeling the effects of something that I thought maybe I could “outgrow”.

Spoiler alert; I haven’t outgrown it. In fact, it might be worse now, but I’m still medicating just to ensure I never find out just how painful it can be.

With these treatments and medications comes the fun things like a lowered immune system or weaker response to sickness. On top of the autoimmune issues I already have (like asthma), it is always an exciting time to be sick if you’re me (not really).

Now at the ripe age of 32 years old, I’m a wife and mom, who still has a passion for fitness, but maybe thats more along the lines of swooning over fit people and debating on if thats even possible for this body and what my “fit” would look like.

I didn’t used to debate about it because when we first met, I was a runner, but I had an abrupt face first meeting with asphalt right before I wrote TREE for the first time. Accidents happen. Sometimes with accidents comes anxiety and maybe a touch of PTSD so I have new fears to work through.

The fun part about that is, I am working through them. Is it a quick or painless process? Absolutely not. I have been sore every day for the last two months because I’m working for it. If I wake up and feel the soreness of my muscles, I know I’m working toward the results Ive debated about for nearly 3 years.

Do I wish it was quick? Yes, but also no. The small victories are the motivation I need. Small victories like, how many holes my watch has to be on in order to fit me snugly.

The point is here, I sat for years in my fear, letting myself succumb to the effects of my ailments. But nowwww, I dont want to do that anymore. So, I woke up one morning, and just started. And I’ve kept going. Do I falter? Yep! And so will you if you start.

So I hope that you don’t pull another “I’ll start on Monday”, and I hope that you’ll just start. Small steps lead to small victories!