💩 TREE 685: External change
L A W R E N C E × J E F F
letter · 3
part · 3
When dealing with life’s unpleasantness
you can often flip it,
you can usually gamify it,
but sometimes
internal change is not enough.
You don’t flip your attitude
to fix a broken leg.
You go to hospital.
You don’t gamify
an abusive relationship.
You get out.
Twice during our marriage Christine and I have experienced devastating wreckage of our lives. Things were so broken we couldn’t rebuild where we were. How broken?
For us, the thing to do was start fresh somewhere new. Obviously you take yourself wherever you go. But the new location provided a landscape where we could do the necessary work of recovering and moving into what was next. In 2000 we moved from Tucson, Arizona to Conwy, North Wales. In 2022 we moved from Conwy to Dursley in South West England.
Sometimes you need to need to get help.
Sometimes you need to leave.
Sometimes you need to fight for change.
I’m honestly not very good at knowing when
it’s time to move from interior to exterior.
I tend towards external passivity
while working overtime on myself.
So I’m asking:
How do you know when it’s time to stop
changing yourself and start
changing the situation?
The comment section is open.
More rap + orchestras, please. This is goosebumps-level good.
Grow slowly
Jeff
P.S. My book is the perfect gift for humans with functioning eyes. Bonus: it costs £1.50 less (and contains 442 fewer calories) than an ‘Iced Brown Sugar Oat Shaken Espresso’ and an ‘Espresso Roast Blondie’ from Starbucks.
I think it's much easier to work on change when you move. It's a fresh start, you can share the new you without all the same old questions and pathways steering your narrative.
Devastating events happen to all at some time in our lives. Choosing to live is the bottom line. If we don’t, we’re resisting what is, and suffer. I have suffered enough to know how to suffer less. I am a peaceful person. I have protected my peace ✌🏽 3 months ago, I chose to move away from a love of 3 years. I also moved from a city I had chosen to retire in. I’m over the tearful part and have made a comfy home in a city closer to my family. I spent the weekend with them. Making a safe space to grow slowly is the key 🔑 It was a good decision I made. Instantly, life was easier without the interference and I have been rebuilding my life. It’s a beautiful thing.🪷 I love the path of least resistance.