🚫 TREE 571: You can’t do 120%

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Grow slowly
Jeff

If you’re in a relationship, what % do you think you contribute compared to your partner?

(If you’re not in a relationship, answer the same question but in the context of your roommate, team member, or coworker.)

Is your number above 50%?

News flash: that’s impossible. (Usually.)

Why?

In Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Happiness Hypothesis, he cites a 1979 study where couples were asked the same question.

Consistently, each person would say they contributed around 60% of effort into the relationship.

Think:

• chores

• childcare

• house projects

• financial support

• etc

On average, the couples’ total scores added up to 120%.
An impossible number.

There’s mathematically no way that each person was contributing 60% ish toward the relationship.

So what’s the deal?

As humans, we all think we do more than other people do.

Few things feel as bad as being under-appreciated for your efforts.

So why not assume others do more, or at least the same as you, for a change?

What if you made a point to express your gratitude for even the smallest efforts they make?

Pay attention, and you’ll notice they do more than you thought.

And more thank you’s will probably = more effort on their part.

It’s a win-win 🙂