🪦FMS 3: Living for the dead

Flashback FIELD GUIDE

Over the two years FIELD GUIDE has gone through some changes. As you can see it used to be lovingly named “Feynmansplaining”, but it didnt stick for long. During this TREEset that Jeff and I are working on, I want to take the time to revisit what worked and what didn’t with the people and their experiences that I have brought you.

We will TREEvamp it all! So this week we’re going to go all the way back to the third FIELD GUIDE I ever brought you. Keri really brought us together the first time, and if you’re new here, welcome, I hope you enjoy!

May Keri’s dedication and persistence motivate you to do the hard thing, or the thing that isn’t even hard but you’ve been putting off.

Happy Weekend.

My name is Keri and I have an Associates of Science in Funeral Services. I graduated with my degree in 2017. But my path in school has not always been easy. 

At the age of 15, I got pregnant with a little boy and I was married by the age of 16. We were out living on our own. Despite these major life changes, I graduated high school in 2003.  I also became a licensed cosmetologist in 2003.

I did cosmetology until I started college for Funeral Services in 2007.  Two years into my schooling, in August 2009, we moved from Connecticut to Florida. I took a year off so that I could officially become a Florida resident to receive in-state tuition. That following year, I became pregnant with our second son. Which led to me taking more time off.

I got accepted into a Funeral Services Program in 2014. But, the day before my first day of classes in my new program, my mother passed away from lung cancer. The death of my mother played a massive part in how I approached and completed my assignments.

I had to write a paper about an article I read in a funeral services magazine. I chose to write about one that covered cremation and families. I chose that article because my mother was cremated. I was not happy with the way the funeral director worked with my grandmother and I. I felt like we were in a rush in having to pick out an urn, and like we could not get anything customized. I was also interested in cremation jewelry, yet the funeral director did not show me any of the jewelry.

I can go on and on about how awfully wrong it went. In the end, it made me vow to never be like that director. Ultimately, that paper received such high marks and great feedback that I sent a copy to the funeral home that served us. My personal experience created my drive to try and better the industry.

In 2017, I finally graduated!

Then I failed the arts exam four times. I eventually just never re-took it. This is a crucial exam for directors. I never wanted to be a director, I only wanted to be an embalmer. But it also took me three times to pass the science exam and two times to pass the laws and regulations exam.

I suffer from a few mental health disorders as well as ADHD. Thankfully, accommodations were made to help me in school. I really had to take advantage of the help that they were providing to get where I am now. 

While I was in school and after I graduated, I was working in a funeral home as a Funeral Home Office Assistant. I had my apprentice license as well as my intern license so I was doing a little bit of hands-on work in the back with the other directors and embalmers. I was also getting the opportunity to go on removals and transports.

At the end of 2019, early 2020 – the craziest time to be alive, during the beginning of this Covid-19 pandemic, I became pregnant with our third child. This time, a little girl. I had a high risk pregnancy and could not lift anything over 10 pounds. I had to terminate my position for the time being.  My daughter is currently a year and a half and I am so ready to get back into the field, I miss it so much!

I find the funeral service industry so incredibly interesting. In 2014 alone, I was a part of four different things involving both life and death:

1. I saw life brought into this world.

2. I saw my mother take her last breath.

3. I worked in a cadaver workshop.

4. I saw my first embalming process.

When you watch somebody take their last breath it is like watching somebody's soul lift up out of their body and out into the universe. It is almost as if you can actually see it. Then the body, the vessel that carried their soul, is left. Free of pain and emotion. Cold where there was once warmth.

The embalming process makes those that have passed on look like they are simply asleep, if done correctly. It is just incredible to see, learn, and understand the way the chemicals work with the body and give those that have passed on a lifelike appearance.

Those that are on the outside looking in, or those that have not had death close to them might not see the roles we play in helping families find their closure. We know what we do is so important in helping families find acceptance in the finality of death. No matter their religion, beliefs, traditions, or rituals, we work together to help families get to that place. 

Being a part of this industry teaches you to have empathy for those that you are working with. You have to be able to understand someone's pain or put yourself in their shoes but not carry that pain with you. I often find that I connect with people that have lost their mothers as it is easy for me to understand what they are going through. Being able to connect with the sons and daughters creates a relationship of reassurance in knowing that it might not get easier, but we get through it.

Something that is often overlooked within this industry is, you not only have to be comfortable with death, but you have to be comfortable dealing with death for somebody else. Empathy is a big factor in this industry. 

Not everybody has an autopsy performed on them when they pass away. I feel like everyone needs to know that. It is always assumed that those that have passed on get examined and brought to us afterwards like it is nothing, leaving us to fix them up and make them look good. Which, honestly, is halfway true, but if someone does not die a suspicious death, they will not have an autopsy performed on them.

Something that also may not be considered is the fact there are many subjects that make up Mortuary Science. There is art, but it is more than make up. We have to be able to reconstruct heads and faces after a truamatic event.

There is also so much chemistry involved. If you add too much color you can turn someone gray. This discoloration of the body, which is formaldehyde gray, is caused by the reaction between formaldehyde from the embalming process, and hemoglobin. This forms methylhemoglobin.

You can also turn someone green. This color is attributed to biliverdin formed by autoxidation of bilirubin. A good way to remember this is; Bilirubin is gold. In Spanish, “rubio” is blond and “verde” (as in biliverdin) means green. There is so much that goes into it. Far more than you would ever imagine.

It really is a privilege to work with the deceased. You learn to love and embrace life a lot more every single day. My favorite quote that I always say is, "Aging is a process that not many people get to experience. Death comes for all ages”.

At the end of the day, it is vital that we respect one another, love one another, and accept and understand each other. Embrace life everyday like it is your last because you never know when your time is up.

Keri’s song choice

Keri shared this song so we can vibe on into the weekend.

Follow your curiosity

Keri created quick study guides on everything she’s studied. They’ve helped her and so many other students as well.

Carla Valentine is an author that writes about life in the mortuary. Past Mortems is her most recent book.

Ask A Mortician hosted by Caitlin Doughty has spun off a podcast series that aims to dispel myths about death and dead bodies and educate listeners in history and dark tales. Check out Death In The Afternoon.