💀 TREE 241: Change = Death
One.
Ranty Randy and the frog who loved him (or maybe she just loved the flies he attracted)
Two.
Death is change, obviously. A living thing becomes a nonliving thing. It’s easy to see.
What’s not always easy to see is that change, even good change, involves death. The situation/relationship/job/season that was no longer is. That death has to be processed. The processing of death – even in good change – is something we call ‘grief’.
It would be silly (and insensitive) to talk about the grief of leaving your old job for a great new job. But it’s not silly to understand that what you are experiencing is on the same spectrum as what you experience when you lose someone close to you.
Knowing that change = death helps you understand when you have emotions that seem weird or inappropriate for your situation. You’re processing a death. You’re going to feel weird things. It’s okay.
Knowing that change = death helps you become more comfortable and skilful with change. You recognise the processing, the weird emotions and the time they take as a necessary part of change. They are no longer surprising. You can help ease yourself gracefully through change.
Three.
When I stopped believing in an afterlife I no longer had a philosophical framework for thinking about the people I know who have died, until I heard this song. Also, the drums.
It’s the right time to talk about death.
It’s autumn. Covid deaths are on the rise again in the English speaking world. This month we’re remembering the 2,997 people killed in the 9/11 attacks and the hundreds of thousands of people killed in the 20 years since. September also holds a personal death anniversary. 22 years ago my second second was stillborn at full term. His name was Teifion. It’s an uncommon Welsh name that means anvil. Much of the way I understand the world was created as my life was smashed against the anvil of his birth and death.
Welcome to death week.
Don’t worry – it won’t be all that grim. I hope it will be useful.
Grow slowly
Jeff