❤️ TREE 196: Don’t go to bed angry
This week is Christine’s and my 25th wedding anniversary. We’re sharing things that make our relationship thrive. We hope some of them will be useful to you.
The most useful marriage advice Christine and I received was
Don’t go to bed angry with each other.
This was my parents’ take on St Paul’s instruction
‘…do not let the sun go down on your anger…’ (Ephesians 4:26)
and it’s a good one.
Early in our marriage, we did have a few very very late nights because it took us so long to finish the argument. None of those nights were as bad as waking up after the one time we went to bed mad at each other. That was horrible.
Having a rule that we don’t go to bed angry creates a deadline that focusses our thinking. It forces us to engage with each other. It encourages us to listen and compromise because we know the alternative is to be exhausted the next day. It contains bad times in the past instead of leaving an opportunity for them to leak into the present.
The flip side
If relationship advice – whether it’s from a book or a person – is making you sad, frustrated or angry, it’s the wrong advice for you. Before we got married we read a number of books and received a bunch of advice. Lots of it turned out to be irrelevant to our relationship. Some of it was harmful. One highly recommended book we tried to follow caused arguments over nothing until we decided to ditch it.
Your relationship is different from anyone else’s. You get to figure out most of it for yourselves. It is an excellent adventure.
One more thing
We go to bed at the same time whenever possible.
Grow together
Jeff & Christine
In the few weeks that Christine and I were dating, we spent a lot of time driving around South Wales. We mostly listened to a two-cassette compilation of Brit Pop hits. I had never heard Brit Pop before. I loved it. This was my favourite song in the collection.
The Memory of TREE playlist – every song from every email:
