9:30 PM, Saturday, 15 May 2021.
I’m putting our 9 year-old daughter to bed.
Our 9 year-old is adopted. She’s deaf. She has Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. She has global developmental delay.
She is refusing to get into bed.
Her hearing aids are out for bedtime. I don’t know British Sign Language. Christine does, but she’s out of town overnight.
The 9 year-old doesn’t like things being different and she is building up to one of her violent meltdowns. I’m not looking forward to that two hours of hell.
I FaceTime Christine and ask her to sign to our daughter.
Our daughter covers her eyes. She won’t look at my phone.
I’m nearly panicking. ‘Christine, she’s running this situation. I can’t sign. I don’t have any way to get back in control!’
Christine says, ‘Let me think for a minute.’
(In this space Christine does thinking and I continue to be useless.)
Christine says, ‘You take control by getting the situation back on your terms. Warm up some milk and give it to her. Put one of her hearing aids back in. Tell her you know she wants to be a good girl, so you’re starting over with bedtime. Cuddle her until she’s calm.’
(This is serious counterintuitive next-level parenting jiu jitsu, you guys.)
I do it. 20 minutes later the 9 year-old is climbing into bed on her own. It takes her an hour to fall asleep and she comes out of her room once to use the toilet. But she does what she’s supposed to do.
I drink a beer and marvel at the cleverness of my wife.
Even when you can’t see your power or your options, you still have them. If you can’t find them on your own, ask someone to show you.
Grow slowly
Jeff
Can’t take away my…
The Memory of TREE playlist – every song from every email:
Wow. Next-level parenting jiu jitsu indeed!